How to write a maid of honor speech by watching one get written
No rules list. We're going to write Sarah's speech for her sister's wedding, start to finish, and you'll take the method rather than the words.
Step 1 of 6
Pick one story, cut the rest
Sarah started where everyone starts: she wrote down every memory she could think of. Six of them. Five had to go, and the whole skill is choosing which five. Writing for a best friend instead of a sister? Same test.
Your turn: call keep or cut on each one, then see what Sarah did.
- The trip to Barcelona
- The night she finally left her ex
- The dog that followed me home from school
- “She's always been there for me”
- The 2am phone call she answered
- Her promotion
For your speech
Could anyone else at the wedding tell this story? If yes, cut it. One story only you can tell beats five that anyone could.
Sarah
Six memories, one slot. The hard part was never finding a story. It was asking the same thing about each one: is this actually mine to tell?
Step 2 of 6
Write the opening line
The story is picked, so now the first line has something to protect. Sarah's first attempt is the one almost everybody writes. Read it before you see the fix. You have probably written it too.
Sarah's first draft
Webster's dictionary defines sisterhood as… for those of you who don't know me, I'm Sarah, and I've known Emma my whole life.
What she said instead
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course. I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.
For your speech
Start with something that happened. Your name can wait.
Why it works for Sarah
A promise gets broken by the second sentence, and a broken promise is tension. The salad course dates it to this wedding rather than any wedding. And “there is a photograph” hands the room a picture without describing one, which is four words doing the work of a paragraph.
Sarah
I wrote the dictionary opener at 1am and felt very clever. I read it out loud the next morning, once. That was the end of it.
Quick check
Which one would Sarah keep?
Pick an answer to see why.
Sarah’s draft so far
0:10 of 2:20 spoken
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course. I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.
Step 3 of 6
Say who you are, briefly
You do need to place yourself. The mistake is spending a paragraph on it. Sarah's whole introduction is half of one sentence, and that sentence is busy setting up the story.
The long way
As Emma's younger sister and her maid of honor, I've had the privilege of knowing her for twenty-six years.
Sarah's version
In my defense: she has been my person since I was seven, when I was mostly knees and my big sister was already the one in charge.
For your speech
Say who you are inside the story, not before it. One line is enough.
Why it works for Sarah
The whole introduction is three words, and they are not even the point of the sentence. “My big sister” turns up as the subject of a clause about something else, so nobody is told who Sarah is. They just find out. “Mostly knees” puts a child in the room, and “already the one in charge” is the line the whole speech leans on a minute later.
Sarah
My first version had my job title in it. I am the maid of honor. Everyone could see that from where I was standing.
Sarah’s draft so far
0:24 of 2:20 spoken
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course. I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.
In my defense: she has been my person since I was seven, when I was mostly knees and my big sister was already the one in charge.
Step 4 of 6
Tell the story in under a minute
The dog has been waiting since step one. Most speeches fall apart here, because the whole story gets told. Keep a maid of honor speech under five minutes, timed out loud. Sarah's runs 2:20. Watch how much she left out.
The whole memory
So when I was about seven there was this dog in our neighborhood, I think it was a labrador or something, and it used to follow me home from school which honestly terrified me, and I told my mom about it and she said just ignore it, and then eventually Emma sorted it out because she always sorts everything out.
What made the speech
There was a dog. Big, brown, not ours, and it had decided it was walking me home from school. Every day. I was too scared to run and too small to argue, so I just walked slower. Emma was twelve. On the fourth day she came out to the gate, looked at the dog, and said, “No. Go home.” And it did. It turned around and went home. Most things listen to Emma. I am the documented exception.
For your speech
Keep the scene, one detail, and the point. Cut every other sentence.
Why it works for Sarah
Everything that got cut was background. The breed, the mom, and “she always sorts everything out” are gone. What took their place: the detail that shows a scared kid (“I just walked slower”), the age that makes Emma twelve and already in charge, three words the dog obeyed, and one line that turns it into a joke about Sarah.
Sarah
I timed this one out loud eleven times. Every version over a minute had me explaining the dog, and the dog does not need explaining.
Sarah’s draft so far
1:05 of 2:20 spoken
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course. I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.
In my defense: she has been my person since I was seven, when I was mostly knees and my big sister was already the one in charge.
There was a dog. Big, brown, not ours, and it had decided it was walking me home from school. Every day. I was too scared to run and too small to argue, so I just walked slower. Emma was twelve. On the fourth day she came out to the gate, looked at the dog, and said, “No. Go home.” And it did. It turned around and went home.
Most things listen to Emma. I am the documented exception.
Step 5 of 6
Turn to the couple
Here is where a speech stops being about the past. The turn is not a new subject, it is the same story pointed at Daniel, the groom. Sarah does not praise him. She reports one thing he did and lets the room draw its own conclusion.
Just praise
Daniel, you are honestly such a kind, thoughtful, genuine person, and I could not have picked anyone better for my sister. You two are perfect together.
Something he did
And then one Tuesday she called me, talking about someone named Daniel, and talking fast, which she never does. … Daniel, you are the person she chose to walk next to, and we knew why at the first dinner, when you asked me what she was like at nine and then actually listened to the answer.
For your speech
Name one thing they actually did. Do not say what it proves.
Why it works for Sarah
Asking what she was like at nine, and then listening, is something Daniel did on one specific night. Nobody has to be told he is kind. The room works it out. And “the person she chose to walk next to” is the dog story again, so turning to Daniel doesn't feel like a new subject.
Sarah
I wrote four versions of the Daniel part. The one that survived is the only one where I am describing something I watched instead of something I felt.
Quick check
Which one would Sarah keep?
Pick an answer to see why.
Sarah’s draft so far
2:08 of 2:20 spoken
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course. I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.
In my defense: she has been my person since I was seven, when I was mostly knees and my big sister was already the one in charge.
There was a dog. Big, brown, not ours, and it had decided it was walking me home from school. Every day. I was too scared to run and too small to argue, so I just walked slower. Emma was twelve. On the fourth day she came out to the gate, looked at the dog, and said, “No. Go home.” And it did. It turned around and went home.
Most things listen to Emma. I am the documented exception.
Being the little sister of someone like that is a strange job. You get looked after so thoroughly that you don't notice it is happening until you are twenty-six and somebody asks you to give a speech about it.
And then one Tuesday she called me, talking about someone named Daniel, and talking fast, which she never does.
Daniel, you should know that when she talks about you, she stops sounding like the person in charge. You are the person she chose to walk next to, and we knew why at the first dinner, when you asked me what she was like at nine and then actually listened to the answer.
Step 6 of 6
End on the toast
Two lines, glasses up, sit down. The last thing the room hears is the thing it remembers, so it should be the story coming back rather than a summary of it.
The summary ending
So here's to Emma and Daniel, and to a lifetime of love, laughter and happiness together.
How she landed it
Glasses up, everyone. To my sister, who always comes out to the gate. And to Daniel, who gets to walk her home from here.
For your speech
End on something from your own story, not on a wish.
Why it works for Sarah
The toast is the dog story one last time. A dog walked Sarah home, Emma came out to the gate and sent it away, and now Daniel gets to walk Emma home. Nobody has to mention the dog again. “Always comes out to the gate” turns one afternoon into a whole childhood, and “gets to” makes Daniel lucky, not responsible.
Sarah
I had a third line here about their future. I read it out loud, heard myself making a wish, and cut it.
Sarah’s speech, start to finish
Every line from the six steps, in one piece. This is what she read at the wedding.
Sarah’s Speech
Spoken time 2:20
Emma made me promise not to cry before the salad course.
I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph. laugh
In my defense: she has been my person since I was seven, when I was mostly knees and my big sister was already the one in charge.
There was a dog. Big, brown, not ours, and it had decided it was walking me home from school. Every day. I was too scared to run and too small to argue, so I just walked slower. Emma was twelve. On the fourth day she came out to the gate, looked at the dog, and said, “No. Go home.” And it did. It turned around and went home.
Most things listen to Emma. I am the documented exception. laugh
Being the little sister of someone like that is a strange job. You get looked after so thoroughly that you don't notice it is happening until you are twenty-six and somebody asks you to give a speech about it.
And then one Tuesday she called me, talking about someone named Daniel, and talking fast, which she never does.
look up Daniel, you should know that when she talks about you, she stops sounding like the person in charge. You are the person she chose to walk next to, and we knew why at the first dinner, when you asked me what she was like at nine and then actually listened to the answer.
glasses up Glasses up, everyone. To my sister, who always comes out to the gate.
And to Daniel, who gets to walk her home from here.
Four things Sarah cut on purpose
Check your draft for these four. Next to each one is what she did instead.
Cut this: Apologizing for nerves
“Sorry, I'm really bad at this.”
Instead: Say it once, as a joke.
“I lasted four minutes. There is a photograph.”
Cut this: Inside jokes with no setup
“Remember the dog? Enough said.”
Instead: Tell the setup, so the whole room is in on it.
“There was a dog. Big, brown, not ours…”
Cut this: Exes
“The night she finally left her ex.”
Instead: Tell a story only you can tell.
The dog that followed Sarah home from school.
Cut this: Praise words
“You're such a kind, thoughtful, genuine person.”
Instead: Name one thing they did.
“You asked me what she was like at nine, and then actually listened.”
On the day: what Sarah did at the mic
Writing it is half the job. Here is the other half.
Don't: Reading it off your phone
Instead: Cards, not a phone.
A dark screen at a reception reads as texting. Cards read as prepared.
Don't: Eyes on the page the whole time
Instead: Look up on the turns.
look upRead the story from the cards. Say the Daniel part and the toast to their faces.
Don't: Apologizing when you tear up
“Sorry, sorry, give me a second.”
Instead: If you cry, pause.
Don't apologize. The room is on your side, and three seconds of quiet is allowed.
Don't: Rushing to get it over with
Instead: Slower than feels right.
Nerves speed you up. What feels too slow to you sounds normal to the room.
Sarah's speech took two weeks. Yours takes three minutes.
The writer asks how you know the bride, for one real story, and what the two of them are like together, then drafts the speech for you. Free.
Write my maid of honor speech
